didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
