Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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