now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
