Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
