Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
