Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
