Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
