I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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