I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
