i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
