White coat. Heels.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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