Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
