I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm like, not good at living.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
soo... how was my night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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