I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
