i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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