...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
