Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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