I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
