i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
