Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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