I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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