he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
