Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize