Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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