The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize