the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
