Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
