I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
