Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
