I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
