ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize