so explain again why im purple
no
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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