pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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