Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
