I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
