I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
