Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
