I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
