Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
