I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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