I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
