so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
