glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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