Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
there's paper in my vomit.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
