Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize