let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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