I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
