I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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