I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
