Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
