I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
