Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize