my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize