Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
