You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How's work?
Spinning.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
