Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
