My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
