Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
