Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
