I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
