...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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