Best friends brother. Beat that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
