you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
