This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
