I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
