You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
