I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just had sex bonerless
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
