Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
